There are only two institutions on planet earth that did not come from planet earth. They came from heaven: the family and the church. Is it any wonder that Satan is against both of them? The world has its ways of raising children, and I am convinced that God has a far better way. In the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus says again and again, “You have heard that it was said… but I say to you.” He is not handing us a list of laws. He is inviting us to catch how the Father sees things and to learn the ways of God.
When we come to Jesus, we become new creations, yet so many of our old scripts remain. If you drove on the left before you were saved, you will still want to drive on the left. When it comes to raising children, most of us simply copy what we saw growing up or what the culture tells us. It is vital that we go back to God and His Word and say, “Lord, how do You want me to do this?”
Prescriptive and Redemptive: The Grace to Begin Again
Before anything else, let me be clear. Some reading this have lost children. Some have a son in prison or a daughter on drugs. I do not want anyone to feel judged or condemned. God’s will is prescriptive: He tells us how to live, how to marry, how to raise our kids. Yet when we measure ourselves against that standard, it slays every one of us, because none of us outside of Jesus can fully meet it. God’s will is also redemptive.
Think of a car’s navigation system. Take a wrong turn and it simply recalibrates: “This is now the best road to get there.” No matter how far you have wandered, the Holy Spirit comes and says, “I love you, and I want to lead you into the will of God from here.” We should not lower the bar of God’s Word, but neither should we judge ourselves or others. Grace is not permission; grace is the power to change.
It is never too late. Your children may be forty, sixty, or older, yet you are still their parent, and your prayers carry weight. Norvel Hayes was preaching to thousands across America while his daughter Zona was partying, drinking, and wandering far from God. He prayed for her every day for two years. One day Jesus appeared to him and said, “If you keep praying the way you are praying, she’s going to die and go to hell. Change the way you’re praying.” The Lord told him three things. First, bind the power of the devil, because you have authority in your home. Second, love her with My love, not according to how she is living now. Third, stop waiting to see her repent before you believe it is done. Put her in My hands and receive it by faith.
Every time he saw her, even across the breakfast table while she nursed a hangover, he said, “Thank You, Lord. Zona is a woman of God.” About three months later, the Lord sent a warrior angel into her bedroom. She fell to her knees in repentance, and she went on to lead a Bible school for years. As written in Mark 11:24, “Whatever things you ask when you pray, believe that you receive them, and you will have them.”
Get God’s Vision and Love Them Lavishly
Your children are the most amazing thing on planet earth. They may not have been planned, but they were designed. Every baby ever born is made in the image and likeness of God, fearfully and wonderfully made. When I preached in India, I would hold up a small child and say, “This is what God looks like.”
God has a vision for your child. He designed them to be someone the world has never seen: not a carbon copy, but unique and glorious. He has the right person for them to marry, the right work, even the right place for them to live. Yet Satan also has a vision for your children, and he works through culture, schools, media, music, and friendships. Many of us also see our kids through the lens of our own upbringing, or we take the mistakes they have made and project them into the future. Simply put, we must catch God’s vision. Write it down and make it plain (Habakkuk 2:2). Hold it before the Lord by faith, seeing your children through the lens of promise and not their present struggle.
I also want to be honest. Your children are sinners. A baby’s uncontrolled rage is the same nature that, left undisciplined, can lead to terrible things. Our role is not to get the sin out of them; only Jesus does that. Our role is to bring them into a relationship with God.
Second, love your kids. You do not have to like them all the time, but you must agape them. God’s plan is for children to grow up inside the warmth of a home filled with His presence, His love, and His peace, like a passenger in a warm car on a cold day. When they step out into a cold world, they will recognize the difference. At the right moment, God will call their name and ask, “What you have experienced around you, do you want it inside you?” Hug them. Hold them. Tell them you love them. You will never say it too many times. A child who does not know they are loved will spend a lifetime chasing that love in relationships and career.
Boundaries, Authority, and Discipline
Kids love boundaries, even though they do not know it. Good parents set bedtimes and expectations. God sets boundaries for mankind, and a child raised without them becomes an adult who thinks there are none, until they meet the flashing blue light. Our prisons are full of people whose parents, and primarily fathers, never taught them where the lines were.
Boundaries need authority to keep them. The world has a perverse idea of authority, picturing a bully crushing a child’s will. That is not authority. Authority creates an environment of protection and grace. The time to establish it is when children are very young, with a calm tone that says, “No,” and means no, not “no-ish.” Many parents, especially with teenagers, shift from authority to explanation, as though winning the argument earns obedience. Teach them, yes, but you are the parent. “One day you will set up your own home. Right now, my house, my rules.” That is not bullying. It prepares them for a world of bosses, police officers, and governments.
Discipline follows. Proverbs 13:24 says, “He who spares his rod hates his son, but he who loves him disciplines him promptly.” This has nothing to do with violence. If authority is established early, discipline rarely needs to be physical; with a teenager, losing a phone for a day speaks volumes. Simply put, there are consequences to actions, and if we do not teach our children that, the world will.
Faith for Your Children and Their Own Encounter
Put your faith to work for your kids. Believe God for their health, their protection, their character, and the right person for them to marry. Why accept “the terrible twos” when you can believe for the terrific twos? Why assume teenagers must sow wild oats?
A friend of mine in England once lived entirely by faith. One Christmas Eve, his little girl told him she had asked Jesus for a green stroller. He and his wife had barely enough for food. They decided, “She asked Jesus, not us,” and refused to rescue her faith with a backup plan. When they returned home, a box sat outside the door labeled “stroller, color blue.” On Christmas morning they opened it, and inside was a green stroller. Let your children have adventures in faith.
There is also a moment when God calls every child by name, and you cannot manufacture it. Many loving parents convince their kids they are born again when they have only grown up in church. I had wonderful Christian parents, yet it was not real to me until a Billy Graham meeting at fourteen when I met Jesus for myself. Believe for that Kairos moment: a genuine new birth, the baptism in the Holy Spirit, and a supernatural experience of God.
The Right Environment, Led by the Spirit
You are in charge of the environment in which your children grow up. Imagine God delivering His people out of Egypt, yet every day they send their children back to Egypt, watch Egyptian television, and hand them Egyptian phones. Do not be surprised if they begin to walk like Egyptians. I am not giving you laws about schooling. I am asking you to pray and take ownership. God did not call the state to raise your children; He called you.
One of the most powerful things you can do, especially as a father, is to bring your children to church every week and let them see mom and dad worshiping God. Choose a church for its presence and its Word, not its bouncy castle. Your children should see a knee healed and hear a message in tongues. As Proverbs 13:20 says, “He who walks with wise men will be wise, but the companion of fools will be destroyed.”
Above all, be led by the Holy Spirit, not rules and regulations. God has a different plan for every child. Take the principles of His Word and ask, “Lord, how do I apply these?” Every one of us has missed it somewhere, yet God gives grace for every mistake and wisdom for every season. Let us raise children who know who they are and who God is, who know they are loved by Him and by us, and who will one day pass that inheritance on to another generation.
Scriptures for Study
Proverbs 13:20, Proverbs 13:22, Proverbs 13:24, Proverbs 22:6, Psalm 139:14, Genesis 1:27, Habakkuk 2:2, Mark 11:24, Matthew 5:21-22, Matthew 6:33, John 4:13-14, Romans 12:2, 2 Corinthians 5:17, Philippians 3:13-14, Hebrews 12:1, Psalm 23:6, Isaiah 61:3, 1 John 4:8, 1 John 3:14, Ephesians 6:4, Deuteronomy 6:6-7, Joshua 24:15, Galatians 5:18, Matthew 16:19, Psalm 127:3
10 Questions for Reflection
- Which of my parenting habits come from culture or upbringing rather than God’s Word?
- How does knowing God’s will is both prescriptive and redemptive change how I view my past mistakes?
- What vision has God given me for each child or grandchild, and have I written it down?
- Do I see my children through the lens of promise or through their present struggles?
- How can I express love to my children more freely and more often?
- What clear boundaries does my home need?
- Have I shifted from authority to explanation, and how can I recover godly authority?
- Where can I put my faith to work for my children this week?
- Am I believing for a genuine encounter with God in my children’s lives, rather than settling for churchgoing?
- What in my home’s environment needs to change, and how is the Holy Spirit leading me?
